All of us owe something to someone. When positive influences have made our lives better, we should be grateful. But gifts should be freely given and allowed to be freely accepted. Receiving a favor should not mean that we incur a debt to be paid. This expectation can turn happy thankfulness into 'the burden of gratitude.'
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
People are also perfectly capable of feeling two or more emotions at the same time. We may act one way while at the same time harboring feelings of indecision, frustration, resentment - the list is endless. We can be truly grateful but also resent the necessity of being so.
Refusing a favor or gift may not be so easy. Children are especially vulnerable because they are dependent. If a parent gives - as parents are expected to do - but expects extravagant gratefulness, greater obedience, or some other behavior modification in return, it strains the relationship. Children are sensitive to what they see as injustice or manipulation.
Parents have a natural obligation to provide for their children. However, if the children are made to feel that they now owe a return of some sort, a feeling of injustice may smother any grateful feelings. There's a fine line between what is balanced and what is dysfunctional. A parent who expects to be rewarded for their 'sacrifice' will probably be disappointed.
If a fellow employee does us a favor, he or she may have a right to expect something in return. If their expectations are reasonable, an exchange of favors can strengthen the working relationship. However, if the coworker demands silence about improper procedures or wants a unearned commendation, this makes the 'debt' we owe onerous and maybe even dangerous.
Sometimes we may not even feel grateful in the first place. However, we have to work well with others if at all possible. A positive gesture on the part of another calls for some reaction. A thank you note, more regular visits to a parent, remembering to pray for someone, or deciding to 'pay it forward' are all suitable reactions. You may have to work through your own feelings of resentment or suspicion; allowing someone else to disrupt your tranquility is silly.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
People are also perfectly capable of feeling two or more emotions at the same time. We may act one way while at the same time harboring feelings of indecision, frustration, resentment - the list is endless. We can be truly grateful but also resent the necessity of being so.
Refusing a favor or gift may not be so easy. Children are especially vulnerable because they are dependent. If a parent gives - as parents are expected to do - but expects extravagant gratefulness, greater obedience, or some other behavior modification in return, it strains the relationship. Children are sensitive to what they see as injustice or manipulation.
Parents have a natural obligation to provide for their children. However, if the children are made to feel that they now owe a return of some sort, a feeling of injustice may smother any grateful feelings. There's a fine line between what is balanced and what is dysfunctional. A parent who expects to be rewarded for their 'sacrifice' will probably be disappointed.
If a fellow employee does us a favor, he or she may have a right to expect something in return. If their expectations are reasonable, an exchange of favors can strengthen the working relationship. However, if the coworker demands silence about improper procedures or wants a unearned commendation, this makes the 'debt' we owe onerous and maybe even dangerous.
Sometimes we may not even feel grateful in the first place. However, we have to work well with others if at all possible. A positive gesture on the part of another calls for some reaction. A thank you note, more regular visits to a parent, remembering to pray for someone, or deciding to 'pay it forward' are all suitable reactions. You may have to work through your own feelings of resentment or suspicion; allowing someone else to disrupt your tranquility is silly.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
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